My birthday is closing out. I’ve been very existential leading up to it, but on the drive home from a family get together today I had a peaceful clarity settle in me. Not quite a Moses descending the mountain moment, but a lot more peace of mind than I have been having for months. I’m hoping it sticks. I’ve had my life plan interrupted by being sick with this blasted auto immune disease, but that’s ok. None of us were promised “easy”.
My parents tricked me into staying an extra hour tonight by bringing out baby albums. It was hard for me to not look at the photos and want to yell “You were sick and you didn’t know it!” All that time I was a little ill here and there, insomnia and stomach aches as a kid. “You were sick!” Worse, all those cake pictures from birthdays past. “Don’t eat the cake!” Stupid celiac. Stupid cake.
I came across this photo of me on my favorite birthday ever. I had to be six or seven at the time. We didn’t have any money, but my parents got my sister and I hostess cakes (a rare treat) and took us to a park where we had a picnic and swung on this giant tire swing. I kept telling Dad to push us higher and higher. He pushed us too high and I thought I’d fly right off it but I didn’t. I had the best time ever. In fact I am still trying to top that birthday. I think while looking at that picture something in my head clicked. Things are going to be alright.
I guess I should stop listening to this song on loop then.