Low Self-Esteem Darth Vader


This is a photo of “Low Self-Esteem Darth Vader”. Or “Sad Ghost”. He is a shadow that lives in my sister’s apartment. Sorta lurking back there. Unable to join in on the conversations because we might shoot down his ideas. Destroy Alderaan? Did someone say something? You in the back?

We were doing a spot of cleaning while decorating for the Holidays and messed up the formation that created him. It was almost like a person was missing from the room. No one thought it was strange when we carefully adjusted objects to reform “Mr Glum”.

I’ve been job hunting the last month here in Austin. Only seriously this past week though. I had a two week spell recovering from glutening and then a week of having a swollen, blistered face after that before I realized my ability to digest dairy was gone again. Nothing like “toxins” coming right out of your face. That was triggered because the gluten wrecked my stomach again and my ability to deal with a lot of different foods. This was my first true week of being completely free of the effects of glutening and slowly from the effects of dairy too since that is off the menu again. I also noticed I wasn’t losing clumps of hair today in my shower. Now it was just half a clump. Thank goodness I came with thick hair or I’d be shopping for hats after getting glutened. I often wish I could just donate my body to science but for the fact I’m not quite done with it yet.

Since being jobless I’ve been concentrating more on my sleep and relaxation. That’s the part of being a celiac that was hard to do when I basically went from being deathly ill to dragging my still sick body to work day after day. Month after month. While trying to feed myself, do the celiac night school known as “google”, and with no energy at all. People don’t get that being a celiac often means you have the same symptoms as someone on chemo. Chemo people are heroes. Celiacs just have to not eat bread, right? (eyerolls for miles) I lived alone and had to deal with all of my problems every day alone, exhausted, and emotionally drained. Now that I can properly see to myself I’ve made time to read before bed every night. A life long tradition that I just couldn’t do for the last year since I was literally bone tired.

I have been working my way through Patricia Highsmith’s Tom Ripley books. I just finished The Boy Who Followed Ripley. I wish book clubs read stuff like that. I seriously want to pull people over on the street and be like, “But why did it end like that? Was he a good boy? Was that why?” Ha! That book was pretty serious so I followed that up with reading an old Star Trek novel by Diane Duane. Not bad. Then I had a couple Doctor Who books my sister wanted me to read… There went my snooty literary reputation! At least they are fast reads that don’t linger in my head like Tom Ripley does.

I got a phone interview Tuesday. I’m excited. I miss working. Even with all this relaxing. I’ve been working since was 11 and not working just feels weird. I also want to make money so I can buy better food to eat and not have to sleep on an air mattress anymore. It’s the simple things, really.

ps — I might be going to look at dinosaur prints Sunday. I know. Squee, right?

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