etc

Favorite literary quotes:

“And can a magician kill a man by magic?” the Duke had asked. And he had answered, “A magician might, but a gentleman never could.”
Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell
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“First of all, we are all time travelers. The vast majority of us manage only one day per day. Now if we accelerate ourselves like so-”
Jasper Fforde, Lost in a Good Book
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“For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a)mate with, (b)eat, (c)run away from, and (d)rocks.”
Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
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“It shows something, though: if you’re going to be soulless, you should at least consider outsourcing your conscience to someone else.”
Josh Bazell, Beat the Reaper
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“I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.”
J. D. Salinger, Raise High the Roof Beams, Carpenters
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Favorite TV Quotes:
“What you did was thoughtless, reckless, dimwitted, unprofessional…” Veronica yelled at us for half an hour. Finally, she ran out of adjectives. And was done – “…vertical and lactose intolerant.”
– Better Off Ted
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“I always thought Veronica lives here.” “Me too.” “She just finds a comfortable chair and *whirrr* powers down for the night.”
– Phil and Lem,  Better Off Ted
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“I can’t stand that Veronica makes fun of me in meetings. If the boss doesn’t respect me, other people won’t. Including the little Linda in my head. And even on a good day, that little bitch won’t shut up.”
– Linda, Better Off Ted
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“Anyway, it’s really quite simple. You take a person’s most marked physical feature, compare it to genitalia–male, female, or animal–and end with the suffix “-bag,” “-wipe”, or “-muncher.”” Phil
“You could also add an optional reference to excretion from any of the glorious openings offered by the human body.”
-Lem, Better Off Ted
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“Oh, my God. Maybe we’re evil scientists.”
“(laughs manically) I’m sorry. I laugh like that when faced with an unpleasant truth. That’s why I got thrown out of that Al Gore movie.”
-Lem and Phil, Better Off Ted
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“I will bring Sasuke back for sure. This is a promise of a lifetime.”
– Naruto
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“There’s some milk in the fridge that is about to go bad….and there it goes.”
“There are 96 ridges on every checker…except this one”
– Bobby Hill (From that episode of King of the Hill where he takes A.D.D. meds and gets super smart.)